Hiring a Nanny
What are your main childcare options?
Nanny (~$4,500/month in San Francisco)
Pros: fully focused on your child; comes to your house (or can be live-in); flexible based on your needs and schedule
Cons: Expensive; space might be tight if you are working from home; less social interaction (though many nannies get together in the park with the same group of nannies and babies); no backup if nanny is sick or traveling
Daycare (~$2,500/month for high-quality in San Francisco)
Pros: less expensive; more social interaction; multiple staff members = reliable coverage
Cons: GERMS! Research (cleverly titled “The early bird gets the germs”) shows early daycare attendance is associated with 5-6% increase in respiratory and infectious disease, but then a similar decrease during elementary school due to better immunity. Less personalized for your child (more structured schedule - can be a good or a bad thing depending on your kid!); closed on holidays/vacation breaks
Nanny Share (~$2,500/month in San Francisco):
Pros: Popular option in the middle of the above two - split the costs of a nanny with another family and a buddy for your baby
Cons: You’ll need to coordinate schedules with the other family so less flexibility; not all nannies are open to this; requires coordinating nap schedules, etc.
Au Pair (~$1,650/month):
Pros: vetted through a highly regulated process (they come on a special VISA); much lower salary than nanny or even daycare in some cases, work 45 hours per week that can be split however you’d like
Cons: only committed for one year - may choose to extend for a second year; you provide room & board so less privacy; they are young and less experienced (and coming to the US to have a fun cultural experience in addition to providing childcare)
Note: In SF, most popular orgs are Au Pair Care and Cultural Care
Even after you determine which of the above options will serve as your primary childcare, it can be helpful to develop a “bench” of a couple more ad-hoc babysitters who you trust, who can be called for extra date nights, if your main nanny is unavailable (or daycare is closed for vacation), etc.
When and where should I start looking for a nanny?
It’s best to start looking for a nanny 1-2 months before their start date would be. You could start looking earlier, but if you find someone you like who is looking for work sooner, you may end up needing to pay some type of “retainer” fee until they start.
If possible, having the nanny start a week or two before you go back to work- it will help ease the transition for your baby, and nice for you to enjoy a little break before your leave ends
Main routes for finding nannies:
Parenting Forums: this is the best place to find “under the table” nannies, and to connect with other families interested in a nanny share. Families who are moving or whose kids are headed to preschool will post about their nanny.
In SF, the two most active are Main Street Mamas (free on FB) and Golden Gate Mothers Group (annual fee to join)
Online Marketplaces: Care.com and UrbanSitter are the most popular. You can use these for long-term nannies or for more one-off sitters. They include reviews and background checks (though not as extensive checks as an agency will do).
Agencies: the benefit here is they extensively screen candidates for you and save you time by making the interview process more efficient. They can also help set you up with payroll and taxes. Of course, this comes with a fee - either a flat fee or a portion (17-18%) of the nanny’s annual salary. In SF, this ends up being between $5,000- $10,000.
Adventure Nannies is an excellent national agency - in addition to long term placements, they can also help you find a temporary travel nanny
In SF, Town and Country is the largest; Bay Super Nannies and Genuine Nannies are also good but have smaller pools of candidates
In NYC, Nannies by Noa is an excellent agency
What factors should I consider?
The Basics:
Hours: are you looking for full time (40+ hours), part-time? It can be harder to find part-time nannies, but you can sometimes find someone great who is also in school or has another side-job. Do you anticipate regular overtime hours, for instance working 8-6pm which is 50 hours, so 10 guaranteed overtime hours? Some nannies are explicitly looking to work long hours for the extra money, whereas others prefer a normal 8 hours workday.
Vaccinations & CPR: Find out if your nanny has TDAP, TB test, and will get the flu shot during flu season. Ensure your nanny has had CPR training.
Ability to Drive: Important if in the future you’d like your nanny to be able to drive your child to activities or preschool
Language: A nanny can be an awesome way to expose your baby to a second language while his or her brain is so plastic. But depending on the nanny’s English proficiency, it may be harder for you to communicate with her.
Pay Expectations: Find out what rate they expect. In SF, “under-the-table” nannies tend to be paid $28-30 per hour for one child, whereas “over-the-table” nannies are $30-40 per hour, since some of that is taxed. Do they expect to be paid in cash or another method? Overtime hours (anything over 8 hours a day) are generally paid at 1.5x the regular rate.
Length of Commitment: Try to gauge the candidate’s long term plans to assess if she could be with you for many years (if that’s something you want) - is she staying in the region? Is this job just temporary as she earns a degree for a different career?
Live-In: a live-in nanny provides more flexibility and reliability (no commuting issues!) but they typically still work the same total hours as a regular nanny. They must have their own room (and ideally their own bathroom) but beyond that you’ll need to discuss how you’ll manage food, car use, etc. It does entail a significant change in your home privacy.
The Core:
Experience: Has the nanny worked with children the same age as yours will be? Does she have experience transitioning to bottles and solids, supporting sleep training for naps, helping kids with the same special needs as your baby, potty training or whatever else you anticipate? Older nannies tend to have more experience and can give you more guidance as a new parent; on the other hand, younger nannies may be more open to feedback/less set in their ways, and better able to keep up with an active toddler later on. Do you want someone who can occasionally be available on weekends or evenings, with advanced notice? This might be trickier for nannies with their own young children at home.
Vibe/Philosophy: You will be interacting with this person a lot, so you’ll want to make sure it feels right for the adults and for what you think your baby needs. Vibe comes across more when you do a video interview (e.g. FaceTime) rather than just a phone call. There are amazing nannies who are super gentle and calm, and amazing nannies who are high energy and fun - it’s all about what you’re looking for. While it might not feel relevant yet at the baby stage, ask about her discipline style for once your baby is a toddler (“how do you handle misbehavior?”).
Household Chores: In the beginning especially, your baby will be sleeping a lot. How will the nanny spend that time? Try to find someone who will do dishes, laundry, tidy up (ideally even beyond just baby-related chores) instead of scrolling Instagram on the couch.
Trial: If the interview goes well, the best way to assess the fit is to do a paid trial. This can be a few hours during a single day or for a couple days. I wouldn’t wait too long to make a decision because great nannies might get another job offer in the interim. And since all contracts are “at will,” you could always terminate after a few weeks if it doesn’t feel right (unless contract states otherwise), so the beginning is also a trial in its own way.
Keep in mind that it can take babies a while to adjust to a new person, so it’s normal if there is more crying than usual - probably not anything the nanny is doing wrong
As you peek in from the room next door (or utilize monitors), notice how the nanny is interacting with your baby. What kind of tone are they using? Are they following the child’s lead? Are they using songs or fun voices to engage them? How do they respond when baby is fussy?
References: Ask to be connected to their most recent family. If you want to be extra cautious, get the reference’s full name and then conduct this call as a video interview, so you can make sure they match a LinkedIn profile pic, since there are the rare bad actors on nanny platforms who fake references. Questions to ask:
How long did they work for you, what ages were the kids, and why did they move on?
How would you describe her personality? What kind of energy did she bring?
What did you love about her? In what ways did she exceed your expectations?
What could have been better, or where did you have to give her feedback?
(if they mention feedback) How did she receive that feedback?
How was she as a communicator?
Was she punctual & reliable?
What were some activities she did with your child?
What were some ways she helped in the house?
What happens once you’ve made a decision?
Make a contract:
If you’re working with an agency, they will guide you through all the next steps of making it official and providing a sample contract
If you are hiring directly, you can create a written contract (here’s a simple and more detailed sample contract), or just rely on a verbal agreement
A written contract is probably wise to make sure expectations are clear, but some nannies from certain backgrounds might be less familiar with that practice
Note on vacation time: most people provide their nannies with two weeks of PTO; and if the family is taking vacation and not using the nanny, she still gets paid
If over-the-table, set up payroll:
Legally, a nanny should be a W2 employee (anyone being paid more than $2,300 a year) and should have taxes withheld
The truth is that the majority of nannies in SF prefer to be paid “under the table”. Some due to their documentation status but for most it’s financial - both because of taxes and in CA they will lose their low cost health insurance if they report higher wages.
If you have any reason to think you might be audited, it’s safer to go the legal route. Another advantage of “over the table” in CA is if something happens to your nanny, she can receive disability benefits from the state (same in NJ and RI; in NY and HI, you’re required to carry disability insurance policy for your caregiver).
You may need to pay a higher salary (some say ~30% premium) to attract over-the-table candidates given the tax withholding
Thankfully there are services that make the payroll and tax process easier: Poppins Payroll and Homepay are popular options
Expect some emotions:
Handing off your beloved babe to a new caregiver can feel really hard and it may be a few weeks before you feel settled
Ask your nanny to send you occasional updates and pictures, so you get glimpses throughout your day (of course, you also want your nanny to be present and not have her phone out too much, so it’s a balance)
Remind yourself that it’s actually really healthy for your baby to form close attachments to multiple trusted adults
To nerd out for a bit, part of what set the human species apart from other great apes was our capacity for “cooperative breeding” where babies receive care from others (“alloparents”) besides the mother (the anthropologist Sarah Hrdy explores this concept in depth in Mothers and Others)
In hunter gatherer societies, roughly half of a child’s care was provided by non-mothers (setting aside breastfeeding time), so it’s in fact evolutionary natural to recruit assistance in raising a child
If you want to go deeper on these topics, Natural Resources has a class “Best Practices for Hiring and Employing a Nanny”
