There are infinite reasons your breastfeeding/pumping journey may be coming to an end - it could be child-led or mother-led, intentional or more circumstantial. No matter the situation, weaning will likely be accompanied by emotions such as relief, grief, guilt, and pride. And it will certainly come with physical changes, including some pretty intense ones I wish I had been better prepared for.
When to Wean
Wean whenever you or your baby feels ready! Here are some common reasons moms decide it’s the right time:
You hit your breastfeeding “goal”
Maybe you wanted to make it through the “fourth trimester”, get to six months when you introduce solids, or make it to your baby’s first birthday
If you drop breastfeeds before 12 months, you’ll replace them with pumped breastmilk or formula; after 12 months, you can serve cow’s milk
You’re returning to work
If pumping at work sounds like a pain, you might decide to wean as your mat leave wraps up
You can also try combo feeding, where your baby has formula while you’re at work and you nurse in the morning and at bedtime. Some moms are able to keep feeds up on that schedule, while others find that going through the workday without nursing/pumping lowers their overall supply. So experiment and see how it goes.
Baby prefers bottles, and you’re not into pumping
Babies are people too, and sometimes they like the bottle better
I took this more personally than I expected with my second child. But it turns out, some babies get used to the faster or steadier flow of a bottle.
If you’d like to get back to nursing, I have a few strategies you can try
But if those don’t work or you’re just feeling ready to be done, it’s okay to call it
Baby is a biter
A nursing bite can be crazy painful and make you dread the next feed
If you want to keep nursing, try gently breaking the latch, calmly saying “no biting,” and pausing before offering the breast again. Many babies will outgrow this habit if you respond consistently.
But if you were already thinking about weaning soon, a painful bite can be the last straw!
You have a long trip coming up without your baby
If the thought of being “on the clock” with the pump every few hours throughout the trip makes you cringe, you might decide you’re ready to wean
If you’re nursing throughout the day and want to be fully weaned by the time you leave, I’d give yourself about six to eight weeks if you can. That gives you room to go gradually and slow down if you need to.
You want to get pregnant again
Even after your period comes back, you may ovulate irregularly while breastfeeding, which can make your fertile window harder to predict.
There’s lots of individual variation here - some women ovulate regularly and conceive while still nursing. For others, cutting back on feeds can help ovulation resume or become more regular. Some may find their cycles settle only after they’ve fully weaned.
You’re pregnant and feeling drained
Breastfeeding is generally safe during an uncomplicated pregnancy, and some women even go on to nurse both children after the baby is born (tandem nursing)
Your supply may drop during pregnancy and the taste of your milk can change, which may impact your child’s interest
But maintaining the same nursing patterns throughout pregnancy can be physically challenging
For me, nursing through first-trimester nausea was tough. I also found it hard to eat and drink enough to keep up with the dual demands of pregnancy and breastfeeding.
I scaled back to just morning and bedtime feeds, which felt like a good compromise.
You need to start a medication
Many medications are compatible with breastfeeding, or your prescriber can find a compatible alternative that allows you to continue nursing (LactMed is a great database for this)
But in some cases, weaning may be necessary for a certain treatment - taking care of your own health matters, for both you and your baby!
How to Wean
Gradual weaning is key
Try dropping one nursing/pumping session at a a time, giving yourself several days or weeks before dropping another
Some moms go even slower by reducing the time/ounces for a given feed before dropping it completely
Going slowly helps prevent painful engorgement/mastitis and also gives your baby time to adjust
Leave the sweetest feeds for last
Many moms and babies are most attached to bedtime and morning feeds, so make those the last to wean
Daytime feeds can be easier if the child is busy with other activities or with other caregivers.
Replace feeding time with other fun
Dial up the snuggles, books, and play
If you usually nurse before a nap, try reading the same book and cuddling in the same spot each day
Dress for the part
Especially with toddlers, it can be helpful to wear higher necked shirts/dresses so your breasts are less accessible to them
Expect emotions/protests with older children:
There are books you can read together about the weaning process: My Milk Will Go, Our Love Will Grow and Loving Comfort
Some mothers practice a gentle weaning technique called “Don’t offer, don’t refuse” that hopefully leads to gradual, child-led weaning and reduces power struggles
This can have mixed effectiveness; personally, I believe it’s okay for the mother’s desires/timeline to play a greater role in this process
On the other end of the spectrum, some moms take a trip away from their child to change the nursing routine, with another trusted caregiver handling naps and bedtime.
This is sometimes a last resort option after trying other methods, as it comes with its own risks (child’s distress, mother’s engorgement if going cold turkey).
Physical & Emotional Impact
Even if you wean slowly, it takes time for your body to adjust to the changes
If your boobs feel painfully full, hand express just enough milk to feel more comfortable. A cold pack can help with swelling and soreness. If you’re having fever, chills or redness on the breasts, reach out to your doctor.
The hormonal changes that weaning triggers can result in other physical symptoms such as headaches and night sweats, especially if weaning is more sudden. One thing I didn’t expect: I was insanely stinky for a few weeks after weaning my toddler and had to reapply deodorant throughout the day.
The drop in prolactin and oxytocin can cause feelings of sadness, moodiness or anxiety. If you experienced a strong emotional/mental impact postpartum, you might encounter something similar post-weaning.
It can take time to feel emotionally back to normal, possibly weeks. Even if weren’t at all sad about ending breastfeeding, you may randomly have bursts of sadness. Be gentle with yourself - this is just part of the process and doesn’t mean weaning was the wrong decision!
Take a moment to celebrate however many months you were able to nourish your baby with your body! It’s such a unique gift and an amazing accomplishment.
